How grooming usually begins
Grooming rarely looks threatening at first. An adult, sometimes pretending to be younger, offers a child attention, compliments, help with a game or a sense of being understood. They may like and comment on videos for weeks before sending a message.
Over time, they try to become a special friend who 'gets' the child better than parents or peers do. The aim is to build trust and isolate the child from the people who could protect them.
Signs in the conversation
Requests to keep the friendship secret, to move to a private messaging app or to delete messages. Gifts, game credits or money. Questions about the child's family, routines or whether they are alone. Conversations that slowly become more personal or inappropriate for the child's age.
Children may not see these as warning signs, because the adult has worked hard to seem kind and trustworthy.
Signs you might notice at home
A child becoming secretive about their phone, hiding the screen or using it late at night. New gifts or money they cannot explain, mention of an older online friend, or sudden changes in mood, sleep or behaviour. Some children seem anxious after using their device or withdraw from family and friends.
These signs can have many causes, so treat them as a reason to talk, not proof that something is wrong.
Keep the door open
Talk regularly and calmly about who your child chats with online, the same way you would ask about school friends. Make it clear they will not be punished or lose their phone for telling you about something uncomfortable. Children are far more likely to speak up if they expect support rather than anger.
Use the app's privacy and family safety settings suited to your child's age, such as limiting who can message them, and review them together from time to time.
If you are worried
Do not confront the person online. Save evidence such as screenshots of profiles and messages, report the account through the app and contact the police or a child protection service in your country. Support your child, reassure them they are not in trouble and consider professional help if they are distressed.
Frequently asked questions
Does age verification stop groomers?
Age rules and settings help, but people can lie about their age when creating accounts. Ongoing conversations and privacy settings that limit contact from strangers remain essential.
Should I read all of my child's messages?
It depends on their age and your family's approach. Many experts suggest age-appropriate supervision combined with open conversation, so children keep trusting you and come to you when something feels wrong.